"Waking up" (Written April 15th, 2025)
A sharp inhale followed by heavy soreness is how the day starts. Eyes being forced open by consciousness and responsibility, bringing into view light and shadows, shapes and colors. The unbearable weight of an entire life lived is all felt in these tender, basic moments of waking up. The mind, now warming up like an oven, as synapses fire, sensory stimuli grounding the permanence of the self, get hit with a flashflood of memories and thoughts. To a mind barely grounded enough in the present as it gasps frantically for relevant information yet at the same time still just trying to gain sentience of the self for the first time after dreaming, screaming, or whatever else the mind does when we sleep. The mind, just moments ago horizontally in line with the rest of the body it has worked so tirelessly to command for however long it did, however long it could the day before, however long it has… now rises to the top of this fleshy machine. The demand for oxygen has drastically increased, not just for the brain, but for all the other organs and processes happening in the moments where just earlier, the mind may not have even known it existed. Maybe it didn’t. But now it does. Tasks, rituals, needs, wants, goals, feelings. The flashflood is now just a sea filling up the day as the mind pulls itself onto the raft of the familiar, of functionality. Remembering how to respond when the bladder demands to be empty and activating priority decision making to maybe check for an email first, drink some water, start making coffee, fall back into bed, or jump up and get out of the door in 10 minutes NO MATTER WHAT. GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO
wait…
…
*smile*
I really like thinking about that person.
*deep breath*
“Let’s start the day.”
“Let’s”, thinks the mind.